its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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