I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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