My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
