im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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