For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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