Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
