i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I AM VODKA MAN
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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