"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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