I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize