we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize