If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
