I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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