Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
