How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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