In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
