K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
