At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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