The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
