I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
