Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
