I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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