well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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