i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
