One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
