I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
