2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
