After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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