did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
