He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
