remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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