Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
