Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize