he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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