you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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