i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
