I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
