Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
