Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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