Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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