There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
