So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
