saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
