really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
