I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm always down for nudity.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
