Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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