And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
