this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
