I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
