eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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