no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
