Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
