That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
