"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
