I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize