So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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