i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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