Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize