we have officially lost it.
so let's talk penis.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
