Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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