All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
