You're completely useless in the revolution.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
