she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
