Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
