Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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