she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We need a shit load of segways right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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