party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize