Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
