Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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