Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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