I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
