well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
