woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
