only if we run a train.
done.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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