Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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