What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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