Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
