my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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