My liver just broke up with me...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
