why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
